Wednesday, July 7, 2010
10:39 AM
For once, I knew what I wanted. What I feel I was born to do... but....
I could still remember the first time I used a video editting software. It was in my primary school days and we were taught the very basics of editing and were allowed to play with the Mac. I was very blurr and unsure of what to do. It wasn't that of an interesting thing to do for me at first, but it was interesting how one same footage could look so different after editing. Every one of us were given the same footage, but all of them looked entirely different after we edited it.
That's how I got hooked in WMM, Windows Movie Maker. I wanted to be better at editting, and wanted to just make a good video. I googled, and found a free software available on the net and downloaded it. At first, it was a huge struggle. It wasn't as easy to use as the software in Mac as the options were very vague and trying to do something you specifically want is hard. However, I got the hang of it and now I can do so many things with one free software, of course after years of practice!
So since Sec 2, I have been making videos and more videos of spin-offs of the animes and movies I see. I find it so fun using the same material but getting a totally different result. I never saw it as a future prospect, just as a hobby. I was so into it, I could live for months and even years just making videos. For so long, I never realised that this could possibly be the perfect job for me. I always thought I was meant to do something like being a doctor, or a lawyer, or a government worker.
When NYP offered this course, it moved me. All my interests, combined into one. I didn't have to choose. Writing, filming, editting, business all in one. And that was to me the first time I actually thought of editing as a future prospect. I was happy, to finally find a course that I can tell suits me so perfectly.
Now, my DFVP, a filming and editing module, is one of the worst modules I've been scoring so far. It disappoints the hell out of me, because I know I want to be a director and I want to be a video editor. I do. I've always been in the shoes of a director whenever filming took place my whole life. My whole life. I wonder why something I want so much is so hard to grasp. I cry sometimes knowing I'm not doing as good and if I continue, I'm never gonna get what I want. Hell I want it so much. It won't matter if I get all As for the other modules and get C for this. Fuck I WANT TO BE GOOD IN IT. FUCK!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
10:33 PM
Letting you go.. (Here's my story)
I can't stop thinking about it.
It's got me shaken up.
Visions of you spin in my head.
Can't manage to lose you.
But it's better for you to move on.
We've made it this far.
And broken it this bad.
Now we cover it all
Boy not a second will I betray
You whom I swear upon my heart
There is no other way
To protect you Baby
Only hurt is in my heart Baby
No longer shall you imprison yourself with me
Just tell me goodbye
The hands that held me so tightly
Are not mine now
Don't be shackled to me Baby
Just tell me goodbye.
Boy your smile fades away
knowing we're not happy this way
All I think about is you
As your light slowly disappear from my darkness
Baby the lips of yours fading away from mine
These lips of mine knowing no other will satisfy them
Just tell me goodbye
The hands that held me so tightly
Are not mine now
Merely being with me is not love Baby
Just tell me goodbye
It hurts when you're no longer mine
When I know we're so right together
I just didn't want you to be less happy
With me
Seeing you lacking the girl you deserve
Baby you're so perfect
It hurts to know I'm not with you
However if it is all it takes
I'm ready I'd do it all.
Your voice in my head
Painfully remaining, but
Fading away in my memory, stay...
No longer can I take it
No longer feel pain for me
Never look back again
Just tell me goodbye
The hands that held me so tightly
Are not mine now
Merely being with me is not love Baby
Just tell me goodbye
Monday, May 24, 2010
12:19 AM
I have this dilemma.
Because my parents don't give me enough pocket money, I had to go work and sacrifice my weekends. Therefore, I also have to leave school late and finish my homework before I get home.
Yesterday, not much food was left for me because I reached home at 10pm even tho I rushed home. Today, I decided to eat KFC with my colleagues and take it easy.
My mother, after me telling her I was gonna eat outside, replied "Ok. Don't SMS me."
I was pissed. She scolds me for not telling her where I am, and now she's telling me not to?
So I just shut up and continue eating. Then I got a call.
"Hello?"
"Where are you now?"
"KFC Harbourfront lo."
"NOW WHAT TIME ALREADY, STIL AT AT HARBOURFRONT?"
"I'm eating now what, what do you expect me to do? Pack it up?"
"NOW AT HARBOURFRONT, THEN WHAT TIME YOU REACH HOME?"
"I can't do anything now. Ok? Bye."
"*silence* *beep*"
Now I say. I feel that it's not her right to say I shouldn't be here or there because one, it's not my fault I don't have enough money and had to find a job and also not much food was left for me. Two, I'm not wasting her time. I'm not using her money. I'm not bugging her. WHY THE FUCK IS SHE BUGGING ME?!
It may be my arrogance or what. But I feel like telling her, "YOU WANT ME TO STAY AT HOME AND BE THE GUAI KIA YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME TO BE?! THEN GIVE ME ENOUGH POCKET MONEY TO LAST A FUCKING MONTH! NOT 2 FUCKING WEEKS!"
But I can't really blame my Dad for not giving me enough as he is the sole breadwinner of my family. TELL ME THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
4:08 PM
Am at school now~~ hahaha yep slacking at mac :D hahaha so far my class is adorable, but suddenly today some girls from nan chiau and dunman high came to join my class so I see how that goes. Btw, if you think I haven't been blogging, you're WRONG! hahaha, that's because I have been blogging, but I keep them as drafts and never published it yet :P
heehee, am gonna start ranting all over again because my ICA3 is to make a journal, and I have already forgotten about my hobby of writing. I'm kinda thinking if I'm in the wrong course, of course I love blogging and making movies, but I don't know if I really want to pursue it as a career now. My class is awesome, but I know they're going for the same dream as me, which means they're my competitors. It's not very nice to have competitors as friends ya know.
But oh well, so far it's alright with me. Still working with poly stuff. Shall update mor eon my life, with photos! wakkaakak
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
12:43 PM
here
Thursday, March 11, 2010
2:13 AM
I feel very fucked up...
About this very person... about myself for even being able to trust her...
What the fuck. I knew she wasn't that type of person. I knew something was just off, but because of my selfishness I went through it and in the end bit my own tail (didn't know if I just created this idiom or not)
WHAA FUCK!!!! Stupid damn humans... I should've known... I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!!! No wonder I got such lousy points for my Os because I didn't use my brain... ARRRGGGHHH!!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
12:37 PM
I shall rant about work. Work is.... 13%@^$^%#%!#$!#%#@%!!!!
I'm very angry and pissed off. Okay not now but during the whole time when I'm working. First, he praises me saying I can do stuff right whom his previous staff can't. Wow, I don't really care so yeah... THEN he goes "why can't you do this and that right?" Wahh, I angry lei. I cannot do, you fire me take ur old staff back la!! Wtf, I angry sia.
And everytime I ask things like when's payday, or if I can off that day, he'll think I'm trying to run away or something. Please la, I'm not so childish to run away just because work is tiring =___=" Work is tiring in the first place and got no work where it's not tiring one lor. Wa lau lei, seriously I can't wait till end of March.
And what's so funny is, he's always angry only when there's a lot of people. When there's no one, he won't ever scold me. Isn't that just implying that he's only scolding me because he's stressed, not because I'm doing something wrong? And I only worked there quite recently, I'm not some genius that can do everything perfectly the first month I'm there!!!
If like this, I really do wish to run away after first pay la! And my first pay so f-ing tiny, I can't really buy a lot of things with that. ZZZZzzzzZZZZzZZZ I can only curse in Japanese silently.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
9:17 PM
I was simply watching TV, when I saw big bang and watched a bit. Daesung was singing one of Wheesung's songs. Ahhh Wheesung!!! I love him, seriously... Much more than Big Bang I gotta say. Love his deep songs. His songs are so emotional and loved...
They rock so much and he does. Try take a listen and you'll know why.
8:21 PM
I don't know why. but I'm starting to feel remorse. If only I had done better for my O levels. If only I studied harder. If only I stayed up longer. If only I looked up higher. If only... That's the only thing I could say now. If only, fuck. It just sucks. I don't want to end up with this lousy O level results. I'm not proud of it and I'm not satisfied.
But what the fuck can I do?! It's all over. I'm stuck in a Poly now. It's all fucking over. And even if I feel so regretful, my results are never gonna change. It's gonna stay that way forever. A bloody 1 A, 4 B, 1C, and 1E.
No wonder I didn't even feel a little bit happy. So what if I beat Weilun?! He fucking beat me in all his good subjects. SO what?! I couldn't beat him in FUCKING E MATHS AND SCIENCE!!!! All my studies put to nothing. NOTHING~!!! After all, I'm just a loser. I told myself to go to JC and see where I am. The very reason I told myself so much to go JC IS BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL END UP IN POLY JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! THE REASON WHY I MAKE SO MANY DREAMS BECAUSE I KNOW IN THE END, IT'LL STAY THAT WAY! I know that more than anyone else but why I am still fighting for it??!!! WHY?!!! WHY AM I STILL FIGHTING FOR THE PLAIN, STUPID DREAM?
Why?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
8:20 PM
Just when you thought the job was just right for you, something happened telling you it isn't.
Got a new job and it's super near ~! Which is good, yeah and another good thing is it's F&B, exactly what I wanted too. Bad thing is, I don't know suddenly last Saturday I started getting sick ):
It started with a bad sore throat in the morning but I ignored and continued my usual life, dramas anime and the like. Then I started getting a slight fever and was a bit worried. For F&B, it's quite heaty since you're cooking everything so I called but since the place needs more people, I had to be in for work and since it's just slight fever, I went. I felt like dying halfway but my lips were tight and when I got home and checked, 39.2 deg C. Took a couple of panadols and slept.
Next day was the same. I couldn't eat, sleep or do anything. I walk like a turtle but I took a couple of panadol EXTRAs this time and went to work again. Wasn't as bad as the other day but still sort of died halfway.
Monday couldn't take it and went to the doctor. Temperature was 40.3, everyone was simply freaking out and I had no idea why O__o? About 10 minutes later, I got to meet the doc (which was fast, considering it was a Poly, haha was given more priority due to my temp) and bla bla 3 days MC (woots!) and practically nothing else. I SLEPT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!
Tuesday was nothing much too. Wednesday went to work, didn't feel that good but was fine. Went home and vomitted (Yuck!) but felt much much better.
Now I'm only stuck with cough and running nose and a bit of sore throat. Yatta ~ ! Well just hope I don't get sick again because working when you're sick sucks!
